Gosh, Kylie, if you needed some tacos from Taco Bell, I’m sure one of us could have gotten it for you.
HAHA, no, no. I know it wasn’t Kylie (or maybe it was). After an anonymous person posted the photo above on Reddit, the person who wrote the ad on Craigslist actually came forward. Here’s the ad, just in case you can’t read Tinkerbell-sized handwriting:
“DRIVER WITH 4 WHEEL DRIVE VEHICLE NEEDED FOR EMERGENCY TACO BELL RUN (Baltimore)”
Guys it’s snowing like a bitch outside, I’ve had a few drinks too many, and my sh*tty little hybrid douchemobile can’t possibly make it to the neighborhood Taco Bell in this weather. I need someone with a 4 wheel drive vehicle to come pick my drunk ass up, take me to the Taco Bell drive-thru, and drive me back home. Then we can hang out and play video games if you’re not a rapist. This is maybe 2 miles round trip. I’ll pay in tacos. or chalupas. whatever. Seriously my desire for tacos right now is totally unmanageable, so I’d probably even buy you a 7 layer burrito if you asked nicely.
So, did anyone come to pick up this drunken taco muncher? Nope. Turns out that squirrelsoup (her Reddit handle) ended up driving herself after sobering up. Which means that there are actually sober people in the world who also eat Taco Bell. Weird. But I guess the Polar Vortex II makes us all do crazy things.
I’m still not 100% convinced that this wasn’t Kylie.
The Missed Connections section of Craiglist is my most and least favorite of the entire website. On the one hand, some posts are absolutely hilarious, but then you hit a few (read: almost all of them) that are just sad. I mean, sad in the worst possible way. This posting, however, toes the line between hilarious and depressing, with a touch of piss for good measure.
You – 5’8 scruffy, glasses, wearing a blue hoodie outside the Vid and I asked you for a lighter. You lit my cigarette and we talked about our wishes for the new year. We heard the countdown starting and decided to stay outside. I started to cry and you kissed me, and then we started to make out. After a minute I felt something warm and realised that you pissed yourself. I pushed you away and that’s when you ran but I wish you had stayed. You peed on me but it’s OK! I just want to know who you are! Please reply and when you do tell me why I started crying so I know it’s you – if you remember.
Just as an aside, HyperVocal reported a study earlier showing that, on average, women will kiss 15 dudes before they meet “the one” and will have their heart broken TWO TIMES before they fall in love with the right guy. The study also included stats for men and women, that, for the most part, were rather similar. Although, the number of sexual partners is pretty dissimilar – seven for women and 10 for men. One night stands? Again, men take the reigns here with most men reporting 6 one night stands. Women only reported four.
Back to our lady and her piss-and-run plight. We can only hope that she’s nearing the end of the 15 average kissing partners because that night kind of sounded like a doozy. And Mr. Pisser, you should try and call her. It’s the least you can do.
The coolest Christmas gifts were the ones you received as a child, or so it seems. I remember getting the TMNT Pizza Tank, and shooting the pizza discs at the cats around the apartment.
Today, typical gifts I receive are shirts, socks, and stuff I want to burn as soon as I open it.
Did anyone receive a supremely cool Christmas present this year? If so, tell us in the comments! (If you do, I’ll tell you what I got!)
There are some things in life that are apparently fairly easy to overlook when you find the dream guy/girl of your life. Poop, to an anonymous man on Craigslist, happens to be one of those things.
If you’ve cleaned up someone else’s poop, then it must be true love. Good luck, you crazy kids. I hope you find each other.
This is one of those stories that just floats around Craigslist, but it still pretty funny every time I read it. This time, the crapped pants makes its appearance in Seattle.
We’ve all taken a gamble on a fart. Some of us have lost. I, once, lost that game while in an Urban Outfitters, where I promptly bought new underwear and pants and changed into them in the dressing room. Then I threw my sharted on clothes in the trash on the sidewalk. Hey, at least I got new pants, amirite?
Thankfully, this has never happened to me on a date.
A man in Queens, New York is offering up this ‘rare‘ poster in exchange for a massage and ‘internal cleansing’. Although the post is dated 4 days after Christmas, the man in need claims that the print would make a great Christmas gift for a, what I would assume to be desperate, student, interested in obliging and possibly creating an ongoing enemassage (See what I did there? Enema Massage. I created the word enemassage) relationship.
So, you know…there’s that.